please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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