I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
