Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
