She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize