Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize