Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
