Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
