I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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