i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
