Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
