So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
