How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
