Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
