I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
