just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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