party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I didn't notice because vodka
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
