i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
