If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
