Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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