Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
