He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
