I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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