screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
