isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
