he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
nutella sex= disaster
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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