Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
