She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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