Are we in a gay sports bar?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
