I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
