Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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