I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
