found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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