I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
