Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
