I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
