I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
