remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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