You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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