he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nobody cheats on THIS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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