Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
