i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
