I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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