I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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