Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
