I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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