we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
