oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
