Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
