I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
