I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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