You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
