Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
