11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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