my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
