Pappa wants mamma naked
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
