If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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