How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
