i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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