i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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