I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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