May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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