whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
