He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
