Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize