Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
