You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
