dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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