I'm lost and stupid without you.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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