Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
