she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
