Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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