Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
