I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
