Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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