I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
